Yep, I’m eating my words…those words I’ve said many times over the years: How hard can it be to take care of a newborn…all they do is eat, sleep and poop. Well, yes that is technically true. BUT, they do these things on a random schedule and around the clock. Sleep deprivation adds up and piles on to the stress and challenge of taking care of a totally dependent creature who can really only cry to communicate. Meanwhile, you also have to master breastfeeding, diaper changing and trying to do as many things as possible with only one hand because your little one is inevitably in the other arm.
High needs? Moi???? I just know what I likes!
I know some moms have babies that come home and really don’t make a peep from day 1. I do not have one of those babies! She has always made it very clear if things were not right in her world, down to wanting to be held at a specific angle and not a degree higher or lower and have her back patted at an exact cadence. I guess she’s what Dr. Sears would call a “high needs” baby…which in many ways I’m thankful for (now that I’ve figured out how to handle things). I’ve actually had to learn to parent her…parent her while nursing, parent her to sleep, parent her while diapering, parent her while she’s awake. She’s not a “set it and forget it” baby, so she forces me to be a hyper-attentive and creative mom. At week two, after a string of sleepless nights and a baby that was still crying for a reason known only to her at that moment, I placed a tearful call to my mom and actually wondered if I’d made a terrible mistake in becoming a mother. But, thanks to a fantastic support system (family, friends and the worlds best lactation consultant), those hormonal, overwhelming days are behind me and O feel more confident in my mothering ability every day…or at least I feel more confident in trying new and different things to entertain or soothe my baby. Here’s a brief (as I could make it) run down of the good, the bad and the tiring events of my first month of being a mom.
Week 1 – Three days in the hospital and the terrifying trip home. Yep, they actually let you leave with this little, fragile life..no test, no instruction manual. Just sign here and good luck! I burst into tears the moment we walked in the door at home from the sheer overwhelming responsibility. The “what ifs” spiraling through my brain a mile a minute – what if she cries? What if she cries and I don’t know how to stop it?! What if I don’t make enough milk? What if she stops breathing? (I was obsessed with checking her breathing the first two weeks). Thank goodness I have a husband that could keep it together and calm me down those first few days when my baby’s cries would set my nervous system on fire and have me frantic to “fix her.” I don’t remember much about the first week other than I wasn’t sure I was going to make it and I was convinced I was doing things all wrong and scarring my child for life because she cried more than 2 consecutive minutes. Not to mention, my nipples were ready to fall off my body from nursing.
Enter the best lactation consultant in the world, Laura. I did meet with an LC at the hospital and she was really helpful, but with the exhaustion of labor & delivery and the pain of recovery, I retained almost nothing she taught me. So, I met with Laura (who works with my midwife) the day after we got home from the hospital…my nipples were cracked and bleeding and nursing had me in tears. She spent an hour teaching me how to hold Caitlin and get her to latch properly. You can read all the books in the world, but nothing beats an understanding, caring teacher that can walk you through it a hundred times.
I like the arms of my mom the best!
Week 2 – Caitlin gained back all the weight she’d lost in her first week, which was good news. And, nursing got better – or, at least my nipples were almost back to normal - but Cait never wanted to be anywhere but our arms! I slept on the sofa with her the entire week since she would not sleep in the pack-n-play or the co-sleeper…or anywhere other than with me. She also wanted to nurse all. the. time. and would stir herself awake within minutes if you set her down. My mother-in-law was visiting that week so between her and Ken, I was able to get naps here and there so I didn’t turn into a total zombie.
Week 3 – I fumbled my way through this week, with some good days and some bad. One day she’d seem content, the next she’d be fussy throughout the day with no predictability. She had to be held all the time, so I really wasn’t able to do much day or night and she nursed so often that I saw little point in even wearing a shirt. I was still up most of the night alternating between nursing her to sleep, getting her down for about an hour or two of and catching a few precious zzzz’s myself. Most of our nights were in the living room so Ken could get a good night’s sleep since he had to work all day.
Week 4- My little baby became increasingly inconsolable and agitated over the weekend. I went through the standard checklist of things to look for (fed, diaper, temperature, etc) and mommy-worry took over. So, I took her to the pediatrician at the beginning of the week to rule out any sort of illness. She checked out fine, but had only gained 6 ounces in 13 days…basically, half of what she “should” have gained. The doc wondered if her crying was related to hunger…which I found surprising because she nursed ALL the time! He wanted me to supplement after nursing with expressed milk or formula, which made me feel like a failure on a couple levels. First, you will never feel like a shittier mom than to have someone tell you your baby has been crying because she’s hungry. I mean seriously, how could I not know she was hungry?! Second, to imply that your body isn’t giving her enough of what she needs or in the way she needs it…failure #2.
On the way home I called my lactation consultant and told her what was going on with Caitlin. Of course, Laura was not recommending I go against the doctor’s orders, but she suggested that we could make a few changes to our breastfeeding routine for a few days to see if that helped. Her recommendation: let Caitlin nurse for 20 minutes per side every two hours and she MUST stay AWAKE the entire time. Most likely, even though C was always on the breast, she was spending more time sleeping or comfort nursing than eating. Apparently, very young babies won’t always eat all that they need, even if they’re hungry. Nursing and close contact with mom makes it really easy and comfortable for them to drift to sleep.
We also determined that I had an oversupply issue and a forceful let-down that made her reluctant to nurse and made it difficult for her to get to the calorie-rich hindmilk.
Properly nursed and swaddled, Caitlin is a contented baby who will nap so Momma can catch up on her blog!
To mitigate this, Laura had me switch to a side lying position for nursing and it made a huge difference. It took a few tries to get the hang of latching in that position, but once we figured it out, Caitlin nursed much better and it was a lot easier for me to monitor her suck/swallow (plus it was a lot more comfortable!). It also gave me better access to her body for keeping her awake.
Trying to keep her awake almost made me give up breastfeeding altogether. I felt like a baby torturer. I had to use all the tricks they tell you and come up with a few of my own. Once I started paying closer attention, I realized that C was falling asleep within 2-3 minutes of latching! So, to keep her awake I had to strip her down to her diaper, rub her back, pat her bum, blow in her face, unlatch/relatch her, wiggle her arms and legs, stroke her feet, burp her, change her diaper, talk to her, unlatch her and set her down until she woke herself up crying a minute or two later (heartbreaking!) and – the worst – use a cold/wet washcloth on her head or back to wake her up (almost too much to bear, it upset her so much!). It was a long couple of days, but we got through it and the change in her was almost immediate. The crying was cut down to almost nothing and she would actually lay down for a nap after nursing.
Fortunately, she now stays awake on her own for at least the first 10 minutes on each boob and her suckling has gotten so much stronger and more consistent. She’s also much easier to keep awake for the second half of the feeding on each side and I’m really optimistic that she’ll be back on track with her weight gain when we go back to the pediatrician on Tuesday for a weigh-in.
My little girl turned one month old at 1:29 am last night, and we were both asleep in the bedroom with Ken when the time rolled around on the clock, with Caitlin happily swaddled in her co-sleeper and me happily curled up between her and Ken. I finally feel like I have a really good handle on things and am looking forward to the upcoming weeks as I learn more about my daughter and she helps me become a better mom.
I guess the moral of my story is that, no matter how prepared you think you are for motherhood, your baby may throw you curves you never anticipated. Don’t be afraid to get help right away…there are so many wonderful professionals (and experienced moms!) out there that can give you the guidance you need to overcome just about any hurdle.
Stay tuned for an update on being a mom to a baby and 14 dogs!
